I’m going to level with you, I hate yoga

WITH YOU, I BREATHE:  A forty day yoga column

#32: I’m going to level with you, I hate yoga

Yesterday night a woman who was tall and dressed in tight black clothes said it was nice to meet me again but we hadn’t met before. Then I remembered where I had seen her and nodded.

She said, How’s your day, and I said, Fine. I taught my second yoga class. Your second class ever? I said, Yes. She asked how it went and I said, It could’ve been better. Then I walked away to get a pint and felt rude I didn’t ask about her day.

Later in the night she said she had to level with me, that she hated yoga. I was curious about what she hated but mostly didn’t care. I had a book in my purse that a bookseller handed me, an instructional guide on how to be dominate in the bedroom.

I could say I don’t know why the bookseller handed me the book. I was just walking toward the door and  he said, Here, for you. I could say I don’t know. The bookseller is someone I know and has a strange sense of humor.

I read a lot of the book and then started thinking about everything in terms of power dynamics. It’s pretty ease to manipulate situations, to play with desire.  I stopped reading but carry the book in my purse.

I talked to another woman who said the hard part of her job was politics, having a tough skin to deal with the bullshit, and I thought about how I don’t have that at all. How I wouldn’t last in her job or most jobs.

The woman told me that obsession is unresolved closure. Once we say goodbye, we can let go. Don’t give up, I heard someone advise a mutual friend. It wasn’t the advice I would give. Let it go, I would have told her.

Later she told me a sad story about a director and I told her a sadder story, the saddest story I’ve ever heard. Afterwards, we looked at each other and then we looked away from each other and I wanted to apologize.

I walked away to talk to a friend who was talking to the tall woman in tight, black clothing. They ignored me or they finished their conversation. I just wanted to ask my friend about a book, I could wait all night.

My body likes yoga but my mind doesn’t. I just hate the language they use. Those were two of the reasons why the tall women said she didn’t like yoga. She mentioned the lack of domination or maybe humiliation and I nodded.

I never asked my friend about the book. We started talking about animals eating each other, then child sexual abuse and rape. There wasn’t a light conversation anywhere. He said, I should meditate and I said, No, you should sing.

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